confidentialmisanthropy

About my last post, and the GL debacle, I'm over it. I did find it amusing how quick Roger went from hyper-defensive, claiming his own resignation to jumping right back on the cock, pledging his alliegance in a matter of a few hours. It's his calling card, after all. When the resignation thread went up, I hadn't really decided if I was walking away yet. (Contrary to belief, we didn't all meet up at the Hall of Doom and plan a mass exodus.) On the real though, it feels like some jerk's been coming to my favorite bar and fucking up my buzz for the last two years... and somewhere along the line he brought his smiley-happy twin along. If he's gonna continue writing at GL, then it's decided. I'm done.

So yeah. I'm in a very "don't give a fuck" mood right now. And I'm gonna tell it like it is.

The reason I said it was all my fault was due to the fact that I could've nipped it all in the bud a long time ago. I should've told him how I felt about him a long time ago, when he asked me. I just figured he'd lose interest or take a hint or whatever. It didn't happen that way though. It only got worse. He didn't leave. His zeal for "videogame journalism" only grew, apparently to the point where he got to big for GL and started two-timing on us. I never said anything. Not even while Mo, Lamkin, Frosty and G-Man tried, to no avail, to put everything out there. They got labeled "Locke-haters" and got written off. I'd just shake my head, grit my teeth, and vent about it here.

He sent me a letter some months back. When I read it it came off as a disclaimer for the way he's acted the entire three years I've known him:

From: Locke
To: BlackThought
Posted: 24 Feb 2005 18:03
Subject: I'm not quite sure what it is about you man....

But you always have and always will intrigue me. I love reading your blogs and find my self wanting to be a part of them as if it's some sort of fantasy world.

It's too bad we weren't better friends.

I honestly feel that I got shafted the way people thought of me on the ChuckieV. I wasn't used to being constantly around people that I wouldn't normally associate with; people I didn't like or treated me with disrespect. It wasn't until I was already about out of the Navy that I realized why people fucked with me: I gave them the ammo. They did their worst in making me show my anger or my weaknesses. People used it against me and made me appear to be a little bitch. The problem also was that I couldn't get away with beating the crap out of someone without severe reprecussions. Although that is not my ideal way of dealing with things, it would've probably made people stop fucking with me (it sure stopped Lantrum, aka Vash).

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm completely different outside the shitty Navy environment. I never have to worry about people fucking with me anymore and so I have 100% no enemies and a shit ton more loyal friends and people that love to associate with me. Had we met under different circumstances, I'm sure our relationship would've been different.....as well as the rest of the guys from MainComm. Though the ones that were pricks to me were really just jealous, though they'd never admit or maybe even realize it. I know my worth and that I'm a very happy, fortunate human being with a beautiful, loving wife....and I don't think some people agreed with that simply because misery loves company; that boat was a cesspool of miserable people.

Jeez, I'm rambling. I'm only telling you all this because I hope you, of all people, saw me for who I really was back then and know that I'm a completely different person then what was portrayed on that miserable boat. I still saddens me that I pretty much lost two very good friends (Mo and Johnny) for no other reasons then them thinking I was a cry baby or a big-mouthed "little bitch" because I didn't know how to express or hide my feelings from people that intentionally tried to manipulate them. I'm a people-person. I tried to get along with everyone and still do. Hell, I hung out with everyone from Dang to Austin to Hardymoore. Remember our "party" in Japan? I've never thought I was too good for anyone. But for some reason, people found that as a weakness. People love Johnny because he's the opposite, which I find odd. He's pretty much an ass and doesn't really give two shits about anyone he doesn't find cool. But he could hide all his feelings quite well or even appear to be someone he really isn't. He's not really an ass nor does he not care about people. He knew how to play what unfortunately turned into a "game". Johnny was in A School with me, and I promise you he was nothing like he was on the Vinson. He used to pretty much emulate ME! He started dressing like me and I actually met him because he stood at attention for "Ace" when I came down a ladderwell with a funny, half-serious look on his face. Back in A School, I was the man. I was "Ace". No one fucked with me and everyone knew who I was and liked me, even deferred to me!......the Navy wasn't miserable for them or me yet and people saw me for who I was and what I could do and appreciated me. Johnny may not admit, but that's how it all started....swear to God.

Take care of yourself Watts. If you find any meaning in my words here, you'll figure out that, most of all, I have a lot of respect for you to even explain myself and hope to continue to be your friend.

Let Mo know if you think he'd even care about our once strong friendship. Even though he kind of bitched out on ME for not explaining why he didn't like me anymore when I asked him (I guess he made me figure it out for myself), I still like him and I respect him for the most part.

Peace out.

Ham salami bacon!

I didn't reply.

I've witnessed people trying to level with the guy before and it's always been a fruitless endeavor. So why bother? I don't need the headache.

But...

Now that my tenure on the Gamers' Logik staff is history and I no longer have to bite my tongue for the sake of equanimity, I'm gonna answer it here.

Roger,

You shouldn't seek council from me. Me least of all people. Truth is, I never considered you a friend of mine, I'm just allergic to drama and I couldn't bring myslef to admit it. I will however, in light of current events impart whatever judgment I guess you were seeking from me when you wrote this to me.

First off, I have to concede to being a bit suprised to know that you were, in fact, conscious of your reputation, 'cause if you were, I would think you'd have shown some manner of contrition while you were still on the Vinson. The reason people treated you the way they did was simple riposte for what you did to them (and to yourself) on a daily basis.

There are alot of myths people believe in when they join the Navy, and I can only assume the military in general. Myths that usually get debunked within the first year. The most commonplace myth being that respect comes with rank and position. I know a few hundred sailors that can vouch for this being far from the truth. It doesn't come from crying in your rack, kissing ass, or back-stabbing and stepping all over people to get ahead. Respect is something you earn. Had you spent less of your enlistment on your knees, and more time helping out someone other than yourself you might have learned that.

"I love reading your blogs and find my self wanting to be a part of them as if it's some sort of fantasy world."

I guess you got your wish.

Have a nice life.

- Watts

I think GL kicked the bucket today. For real this time. Jon and Bill both... resigned. It's sad, really and it's all my fault, albiet indirectly. Swear to God. Mo warned me. Lamkin tried to weed 'im out.

It's my fault Gibby's there. It's my fault he joined the staff. It's my fault the place has devolved into a "festering hole".

I was shopping for greener pastures about this time last year, somwhere else to write about games. Namely Gameforms, but Ed McGlothlin said my writing style needed more form, which I found hilarious considering that's exactly what I was trying to get away from. Then Bill decided GL was worth saving, and I agreed. But it seems we were just delaying the inevitable. Between the nausea in the forums and the overall lack of motivation around the joint I guess Jon and Bill figure it's just not worth keeping it up.

The guy's a virus. I can't even play FFVI anymore without getting a headache.

Dear Matthew,

We hope you enjoyed your trip to Chicago, and would love to hear your feedback. We strive to continually improve our products and your input will help us to provide you with the best possible travel experience.

Let us know how everything went...

Dear Travelocity,

Funny you should ask.

Everything went splendidly, that is, 'til my leave expired and I attempted to fly back to Japan. You see, American Airlines decided that I didn't need one of my bags anymore. I checked two bags in Chicago, one being my seabag, the other had important shit in it, most importantly, documents I needed to get back into Japan.

Strangely enough my seabag, checked at the sametime as my other bag, made the trip to Seattle with me while my other bag didn't. I waited at baggage claim in disbelief for literally 45 minutes before it dawned on me that I was royally fucked. I didn't have the time or the patience to stand in the "We lost your baggage asshole, so stand in this line and waste another fucking hour of your time so we can tell you how" line. There was a guy clearing the remaining baggage from the flight that had yet to be claimed off the carousel. I told him about what happened, explaining that I was in the military and it was imperative that my case be expedited somehow 'cause I still had a flight to catch to Japan in about an hour. He began to patronize me, telling me it'd probably been checked all the way through. I then informed him that it was fucking impossible considering my next flight was with a different airline. A competent one. He told me that my language wasn't helping. This pretty much set me off. I got a bit more audibly angry at this point.

"Are you serious? You guys lost half my luggage and you're on the verge of making me miss my flight. What the fuck does my language have to do with this? I'm talking to you in plain fucking English."

To be fair, it wasn't his fault, but seriously. I got out of the line at that point, telling them they'd officially lost any chance of me flying through them ever again... among other things. I gave my baggage claim tickets to Mo and bolted for the United gate. I had about 5 minutes 'til I had to be checked in and about 30 minutes of line in front of me. Some guy turned and saw me with my seabag (guessing he may have been prior military or something) and asked if I was in a hurry. I said if I didn't get through the line in five minutes there'd be nothing to hurry about. He told me I could cut 'im, but I said I couldn't do that but some lady at the front of the winding line pretty much ordered me to come to the front of the line and no one objected. So I did.

When I got to the person to check-in she asked for some travel documents (passport, leave papers) then it dawned on me. Needless to say, I didn't make it back to Japan that day.

It gets better. I went to the pay-phone and called Mo, told him what was up. He said the fucktards at American Airlines said my second bag was scanned after our flight left Chicago.

Geniuses.

Despite alerting my chain of command of my situation, upon return to my command I was informed I'd been marked UA (unauthorized absence) for 3 days. It's since blown over, but let American Airlines know I appreciate the headache.

Other than that, everything's swell.

Thanks Travelocity.

I'm leaving. On a jet plane. Dunno when I'll be back again.

All the stuff I thought I'd be doing on leave haven't quite panned out. I've taken a photo or two. Caught up with some old friends, and even ran into a few old foes. What's funny is they all have that same look on their face when they first see me. And they all say the same (fucking tired) line:

"Damn, I thought the military would've bulked you up."

I finally got to catch Sin City the other day thanks to the efforts of my boy Biggie. He tracked down the only place that was still playing in the area, way out in Naperville. I really loathe the town but seeing the flick was well worth the trip. They'd started playing it back in Japan on base the very same day I flew back here, which, frankly, didn't suprise me. (My life tends to work like that.) Most excellent film. Not only is it well casted, but it manages to be completely comic book faithful and be an entertaining movie, which is quite a rarity. It's all pieced together Pulp Fiction style, with intertwining storylines. This has been a pretty good year for comic-based movies and it doesn't seem to be slowing down, what with Bats making a comeback and all.

In other news: The Cubs have been kicking all sorts of ass since I got back, but it's all been on the road. I hope they stay on the train they're on when they get back to Wrigley next week, when Me & Mo are in the stands throwing back Old Styles.